España Va Bien!

After a difficult night, Eric woke up more like his usual happy self.  Yesterday he had slept a lot during the day, so I wasn't too surprised when he didn't want to sleep very well at night.  He woke up several times, but eventually kept going back to sleep.  This morning, though, he woke up earlier than usual, so, so did I.
While he seemed to be completely over his fever, he now was completely covered with a rash.  I did some online research, and found that a rash isn’t uncommon after a fever finally breaks.  So, as long as he seems happy, I’m not going to worry too much about it.  He still didn’t want to eat very much today, but he did eat more than yesterday.  In fact, we went out for coffee in the evening, and he started to bite on a lemon slice that we gave him.  He enjoyed it so much that we were able to use it to get him to open his mouth and eat his other food.

Earlier today, we were scheduled to get Eric his first national identity card (DNI) and passport.  I made the appointments in May so that we would have the ability to travel in October.  Being the way things are, I got the earliest appointment I could, which was more than 2 months later.  So, whether or not Eric was sick, I wasn't about to miss the appointment.  Just getting together all of the paperwork had been a nightmare.  For as much as I complained about the stupid paperwork needed to obtain Eric's US passport and birth certificate, I should have realized that Spain is always going to win the battle of who can most annoy and waste its citizens time.  Warning: I'm foreseeing that trying to explain everything that I have gone through to try to get Eric's DNI is going to become a rather long post.  Hopefully I’m not repeating any of my complaining about the process.  If I am, I apologize.

The whole process started when I tried to get an appointment on the government website.  I was surprised that I didn’t get the usual warning message that I get when I visit most Spanish governments sites, telling me that their security is not up to date, and asking me if I’m sure that I want to risk going to their page. (Am I?  Do I have a choice?)  It was a bit confusing, though, to try to get an appointment for Eric because I needed to get the appointment as if it were for me.  Then, I supposedly needed a special two-part appointment for him, since this was a first expedition.  On top of it all, I decided that I wanted to get everything (DNI+Passport) at once, to not have to go through the whole ordeal of getting all of the needed paperwork again.  They have a huge PDF to explain their not-so-clear online program that makes the appointments.  After spending a lot of time looking it all over, I got an appointment for DNI+Passport, according to their website, and I was pretty sure that we were all set. 

So, instead of worrying about the appointments, I started to worry about the necessary paperwork.  I looked to the website of the Ministerio del Interior.  For first time DNIs, I needed the following:

·         A literal birth certificate from the juzgado (Certificación literal de nacimiento expedida por el Registro Civil correspondiente o, en su caso, Certificado de inscripción de la nacionalidad española, en las que conste que se expide a los solos efectos de la obtención del DNI. A estos efectos únicamente serán admitidas las certificaciones expedidas con una antelación máxima de seis meses a la fecha de presentación de la solicitud de expedición del Documento Nacional de Identidad.)

·         A certifícate from the town hall from the last 3 months, stating that we live where we live.

·         A picture

So, I started with the first part, and headed to the Registro Civil to get a stupid birth certificate, annoyed that it had to be from within the last six months because I already had one for the whole US passport ordeal.  With a two month wait for my appointment, though, that one would be just over 6 months old.
When I arrived at the Registro Civil, there was a big sign asking for forgiveness for the long wait, but that since such and such a date, the government had reduced the number of people working there, and that there weren’t enough people to help everybody.  (Of course they have.  Too bad they didn’t feel the need to lower our taxes proportionately.  Maybe those people are now all vice presidents, and there are now like 30 of those, or something.  I mean, every time I look it up, we seem to have more of those.  How do countries function with less than 3 vice presidents, really?)

Nobody seemed to know what was going on there, and there were several lines.  The signs said to get a number, otherwise they wouldn’t assist you, but there were no numbers, and you just had to wait in line.  Being a Tuesday, there were a lot of people waiting for a certificate that shows that they are alive.  I guess that sort of thing is often necessary here, being so difficult for people to determine it on their own or something, because there were at least 20 people waiting to declare their state of being.  I went to a shorter line, stating that I needed a birth certificate, and everybody pointed me to the other, longer line behind the numerous people who wanted to prove their aliveness.  I didn’t know that at the time, though. 
After more than an hour of waiting, another window opened up to certify that the people who were there were alive, and all of those people rushed through and got their certificates.  It seems, though, that meanwhile, other people were filling up the other line, which is where I was really supposed to be, despite the fact that they had told me to go to the other line earlier.  So, after more than an hour of waiting for nothing, I was back at the end of the line, waiting for another stupid birth certificate.

Finally my turn came, I asked for and got Eric’s birth certificate, and I was happy again; one less thing to worry about.  So, what was next? -The certificate of residency. 
The certificate of residency can be obtained at the town hall here in Denia.  It is a certificate that shows that you have stated that you live at the address you live at.  Spain for some reason likes to have you certify that you have told somebody else certain things rather than just having you tell them those things directly, saving a lot of time and money for everybody.  This is one of those cases. 
My mother-in-law wanted to help out in this case because her brother, Mauri’s uncle, used to work at the town hall.  I didn’t see the big deal, but wasn’t going to turn down any help, especially since useless bureaucracy is one of my biggest pet peeves.  (There’s something about electing and paying people to annoy you that I just don’t understand nor tolerate well.)  She decided to call their friend at the town hall to figure out what I needed to get Eric’s residency certificate.  They even offered to go there and pick it up for me.
When she called, though, she was told that for the first time certification for a minor, it needed to be done directly by one of the parents or legal guardians.  So, I was going to have to go do it myself. 
One morning I headed towards the town hall, which was almost impossible to get near because of all of the construction nearby, to find that it was completely inaccessible to somebody with a stroller.  Frustrated, I left, thinking that I would be back on Saturday, so that Mauri could come with me and help me with Eric.  I had looked at the website, and remembered that the town hall was open until 1PM on Saturdays.  So, at 11:45, when we were nearby, I wasn’t in a huge hurry to get there.  Having to go around all of the construction, I arrived at 12:03, only to find that the close family friend was telling me that I was too late because they only do residency certificates until 12:00 on Saturdays, and are only open until 1 for other things.  I freaked out a little bit, telling him that I had to specifically wait until Saturday so that my husband could hold my baby to get the certificate, since the town hall was inaccessible to people who had strollers (or wheelchairs for that matter).  The good friend didn’t seem to care, but a voice from inside yelled out that by next week the town hall would be accessible again.  They then sent me on my frustrated way.  Jerks!!

Incidentally, it turns out that the person actually even knew who I was, and had told Mauri’s mom and uncle that I had arrived at 12:15 (lie), and that afterwards he had still felt bad and tried to go after me to let me do it that day (double lie- with all of the construction, it took me awhile to get out of view of the town hall).
Just in case, I decided to wait until the middle of the next week.  I wanted to make sure that the town hall would be accessible again.  When I arrived, though, the ramp still wasn’t open, and there were still two flights of stairs, one being huge with at least 20 steps, between me and the town hall.  This time, though, I wasn’t going to go away.  If I had to, I was going to camp out there until somebody gave me the stupid certificate. 
The local police have headquarters near the entrance to the town hall.  So, I started yelling to see if somebody could tell me how we were supposed to access the town hall.  A policeman eventually came out, and offered to help me carry the stroller up the flight of steps.  I thanked him, but he ran off before helping me up the second, smaller flight.  So, I did my best to get the stroller up to where I needed to be.  Once inside, I was almost sad to see that the jerk family friend wasn’t there, so I couldn’t turn my back on him.  Instead, everybody that day was unusually nice.
When I stated what I needed, though, they looked t me surprised.  “You mean he hasn’t been certified as living at your house yet?” 
Well, up until now, I hadn’t needed it for anything, so, no, I hadn’t certified him as living there yet.
“But at six months of age the Registro Civil automatically does it for you with the information you provided to them. You only need a printout of that certification.”  Of course I do.  So, the jerk who had turned me away on Saturday, who had told Mauri’s mom that I was going to have to go myself with the family book in hand, was wrong.  All we needed was for somebody to go and ask for a printout of the certificate of residency.  (-Well, and pay, of course)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
Ok, it was all a hastle, but I was finally all set.  All I needed was a picture, and I used my favorite online passport picture maker to get Eric’s picture ready.  He looked very cute, if his mommy does say so herself!

All that was left was to wait the two plus months for the appointment, right???
Wrong!!!
When there were a few weeks until the appointment, I got a call to my cell phone from someone stating that they were from the police station, and that they wanted to confirm that I had an appointment for Eric’s DNI only.  I tried to tell him that he was wrong and that I had asked for, and obtained, a double appointment for DNI and passport.  He said that those were in different places, and that I would need a separate appointment for a passport.  What!?!?!?  But I’ve had this appointment for about 2 months now, and I was sure that I had appointments for both.  Now, how was I supposed to get my needed passport appointment in time to travel? He assured me that the wait for passports was much less than that for DNI’s and that there was one available for the day after my DNI appointment.  I would have to go to the website to make that appointment, though, because he couldn’t make them directly.
I got to the website, and wanted to figure out what it was that I had done wrong.  I checked, but saw that it said that I had an appointment for DNI+Passport.  So, now what?
I decided to make an appointment for a passport for the next day, despite not wanting to have to make the trip, look for parking…, on two different days, especially with a baby.  When I tried to make the appointment, though, it would only let me make an appointment that day if it were for an appointment for me.  If I wanted a double appointment which, according to the website, is necessary for getting a passport for somebody else, I would have to wait longer. 
Confused, I decided to write to the information section of the website that makes the appointments.  After writing them a long, detailed e-mail about what had happened, I was awaiting some sort of explanation.  After a few hours, though, I got some long, complicated form e-mail back explaining how to make appointments on their website.  Annoyed, and not wanting to waste any more time, I wrote back a concise, “I’m just as clueless as before.  I don’t understand how this pertains to me.”
I eventually got an email back stating that if the website shows that I have an appointment for both the DNI and the passport, then that is what I have: a double appointment in which I am scheduled to get both a DNI and passport.  Whew!!  What a relief!! (Or so I thought!!)
Just in case, I printed out a copy of the information for my appointment.  So, today, with all of my paperwork in hand, I headed to get Eric his DNI and passport.  When I arrived, though, the guy at the door took a look at my appointment, and seemed to be arguing with the woman who was supposed to help me get the DNI. I was already thinking uh-oh.
She called me over to tell me that I only have an appointment for the DNI, actually two appointments for DNI only, and that her boss had specifically called me to tell me so.  I answered that I had an appointment for both DNI+Passport, and that somebody had called me, but that he seemed to be mistaken since the website clearly showed that I had appointments for both.  Plus, just to make sure, after the confusion of the call, I wrote them to confirm, and they assured me that I had appointments for both.  She assured me that her boss doesn’t make mistakes, and that he had clearly explained the problem to me.  They had given me two appointments for DNIs, and none for passports.  I said, though, that I didn’t know who had called me, really, and that it hadn’t been that clearly explained to me.  He had only told me that I had an appointment for DNI only, and that I should get another if I wanted to get a passport.  I had assumed that the person who had called me confirming my appointment was mistaken.

She reiterated that the person on the phone had explained it clearly (how would she know?), but that since I was British, I didn’t understand him well. Ahem, I answered that I wasn’t British, and that I understand perfectly when people speak to me clearly, but have a hard time understanding a situation like this in any language.
She went on to explain that they have been trying to get the Ministerio del Interior to fix the system for months, and that her boss shouldn’t have to waste hours, either, calling people to tell them they need to schedule extra appointments. The Ministerio is even scheduling people for DNI+Passport in the afternoon, when passport appointments are never available at those times.
Then, she asked me why I was getting so upset?
Why am I upset?  Because it was hard enough to get all of the paperwork for this, and having to bring a sick baby to town to not miss an appointment for which I had to wait several months.  After wasting time on trying to clear up the situation, though, I’m still left without an appointment for a passport. 
Well, let’s get your DNI at least.  So, I handed her the paperwork, to which she answers, we can’t do this today either.
What!!?!??!?!?!
The literal birth certificate has to be a specific literal birth certificate that states that it is to be used only for obtaining the first DNI.  It is exactly the same as the normal birth certificate, but has that statement at the end. 
Are you serious?!?!?  Apparently.

She then asked why I even wanted a DNI for him yet.  I said that I wanted to travel with him, to which she answered that I didn’t need a DNI for that.  She told me to come back tomorrow, and I could get his passport with what I had.  A DNI isn’t mandatory until 14 years of age, but once you get the first one, you are legally supposed to keep renewing it and keeping it valid.  (That said, I know of people who go around with DNI’s that have been expired for two or more years, mostly because of how difficult it is to renew, of course.)
I was still quite annoyed that I had wasted my time, and already spent money, trying to obtain something that I wasn’t able to obtain.  Since some people hadn’t showed up, and feeling at least a bit sorry for me, though, they told me to wait and see if they could still fit me in this morning to get Eric’s passport.
After a bit of a wait, just when Eric was starting to get really fussy, that is what they did, and I left with Eric’s passport in hand, valid for only two years.  I was still frustrated, but was at least happy to have the most important part of what I was looking for. 

I also know what not to do when trying to obtain national documents here:

·         First, no paying attention to anything anybody from any ministerio tells you EVER (I already had determined that those from the Ministerio of Educación… and those from the Ministerio de Pesca… were completely incompetent, but now was basically directly told by other government officials that those from the Ministerio del Interior had no clue as to what was going on, and that’s why they told me my appointment was OK.  They, I guess, are paid to sit around and make crappy, outdated websites that don’t work, take breaks, and send form emails back to answer, well, not really, disgruntled citizens.)

·         Second, read very well what they have on their otherwise useless websites.  Some incompetent person has likely hidden some very important detail that you will need to know later.  Even after re-checking their website, knowing what I was looking for, I didn’t find it to be as clear as I was told it was.  In this case, the website stated as follows: Certificación literal de nacimiento expedida por el Registro Civil correspondiente o, en su caso, Certificado de inscripción de la nacionalidad española, en las que conste que se expide a los solos efectos de la obtención del DNI.  The way I see it, the grammar isn’t correct no matter how you read it.  When I originally read it, I thought I only needed the first part, a certificado literal….  It goes on to say that the other option is a certificate that shows that you have become a citizen, comma, which (plural) show that they are only for the use of getting a DNI.  I didn’t know that more than one type of literal birth certificate existed, and I thought that the extra phrase “which show (plural) that they are for the sole purpose of obtaining a DNI” was referring to the other certificates.  It isn’t written very well, so I guess my mind tried to fill in the gaps for me.  For example, they use “en las que,” which really doesn’t work in either case.  “En los que” at least would help include both cases. (certificado m., certificación f.)  They should have tried to make it clearer, though, in any case, by explicitly stating that “either of which” should be obtained with the statement that it is for the sole purpose of getting a DNI.  (Why does that even really matter???)

·         Don’t ever expect things to go smoothly.  They just never do.  You will hear conflicting information on how to do things throughout the entire process, but won’t really know what to believe until you’ve been sent home without whatever it is you wanted or needed.

·         It’s always your own fault, and never theirs.  If you don’t understand them, it’s not that they weren’t clear, it’s that you are British.  Oh, if you say you’re not British, well, then, it’s because you are “whatever nationality you are.”